Tuesday, December 27, 2011

*As Promised* Brian is a Little Bitch

I have a friend named Brian, who really likes to talk shit (which I REALLY love to do as well). He read this one day and noticed that all the ads were for things like tampons and Vagisil, which makes sense given his browsing history and major interests including being a weak, whiney, cunty little girl.
Brian told me “why don’t you blog about it” so I thought it was a good idea. I thought that there is so much info on his bitch-ness that it may indeed crash the blogger server. The man wears corduroy pants for God’s sake!! He is clown shoes… sloppy shit sandwich double cheese, go large!
Now, Ms. Brian is not all bad… “he” actually brews some pretty badass beer and entertains guests in a polite manner. The thing is: When you get a group of girls together, a fierce competition of who can nag, whine and cry the most is on. On, Like Donkey Kong, I believe the term is. Serious case of body dysmorphic disorder which makes him feast on diuretics, beer and angst.
While he owns guns and may well try to kill me one day if these posts continue (okay, probably not) his weakling hands probably do not posses the strength to charge the slide of a pistol or open the box of cartridges for a rifle; if his wife is there to open the box, I might be in real trouble. I have to give it to his wife though, she lets him wear the pants to make up for the apparent lack of testicles… just sayin.
He has a motorcycle and... well, that is Brian’s version of a lifted truck and he continues to use phrases like “Zombie hunter” and “Totally epic” to overcompensate for his love of My Little Pony. Eventually our mutual friends will rub off on him and one day, with hormone therapy and manly people like myself, Mike and Mike’s dad, he may even be “one of the guys” instead of just Brian.
Well, I know this is short for all the vast array of weenie-ness he normally displays, but it’s just a post in good fun…. Hope you enjoyed it a little like I did.  He is the one in the green coat trying to fake being one of the guys.

Still love you Brian.   J

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